


Safety First

by musicalkiddo



Category: Spring Awakening - Sheik/Sater
Genre: M/M, in which ernst is an awkward mess but also a great best friend, there's mentioned wendla/melchior
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-26
Updated: 2015-12-26
Packaged: 2018-05-09 14:51:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,580
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5544080
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/musicalkiddo/pseuds/musicalkiddo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ernst was used to his best friend being dramatic.  “Why can’t your boyfriend just buy the condoms?”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Safety First

“You owe me!” Wendla argued. **  
**

“No I don’t!” Ernst fought back, kicking out his leg to spin Wendla around in her desk chair.

“Yes you do!  I helped you cheat on the precalc test last week.”

“I didn’t realize my best friend doing me a favor to keep me from failing a class meant I had to do something for her.  Something that is way, way worse, by the way.  Like, not even on the same level.”

“I could have gotten suspended for that!” This was met with a glare.  “Ernst,” Wendla moaned.  “Please!  I’ll never ask you for anything again.”

“There’s no way that’s true.”

Wendla laughed.  “Come on.  Do you want me to just have unprotected sex and get pregnant and die?”

He was used to his best friend being dramatic.  “Why can’t your boyfriend just buy the condoms?”

“Because if I tell him I’m ready to have sex he’ll freak out and it’ll get weird.  I just have to like… go for it.  But I can’t do that if I don’t have the proper supplies.”

“And you can’t buy them yourself because…” Ernst knew the answer, but he was stalling.  Buying condoms was embarrassing enough when you were the one getting laid.  To buy them for someone else?  He might as well move under a rock and never speak to anyone else again.

“You’ve met my mother, right?  She still insists on _tucking me in_ , Ernst.  If there were condoms in this house she’d find them in a heartbeat.  She probably has, like, a sixth sense for condom finding.”

“Isn’t there anybody else you could ask?  In the entire world?”

Wendla gave him her best puppy dog eyes.  “There’s just you.  My best friend in the whole wide world, the person I trust more than anyone, my sun and stars, the Monica to my Rachel, the guy-”

“Fine.”

“Oh my god!” Wendla jumped up out of her chair.  “You’ll do it?”

Ernst could already feel the humiliation, and he hadn’t even left for the store yet.  “Yes.  But only because I love you so much, and because I’m not ready to be your kid’s cool gay uncle just yet.”

Wendla hugged him, an awkward position because he was still sitting on the bed.  “You are the greatest!  Ernst Robel, I swear, anything you need, like ever, I will do for you.  Thank you, thank you, thank you!”

“Relax,” Ernst mumbled, blushing.

She flopped down next to him on the bed.  “So what do you think the best kind is?”

“Goodbye, Wendla.”

She laughed as he left the room.  “See you tomorrow!” she called after him.  “I love you!”  He flipped her off behind his back.

***

Ernst wore his blandest clothes the next day, and he drove a little recklessly on his way to the store, hoping maybe someone would hit and him and kill him before he had to buy the condoms.  But he had no such luck, and before he knew it he was parking at the drugstore and staring up at the building.  He took a deep breath before getting out of the car and locking it behind him.

“You can do this,” he muttered to himself, squaring his shoulders and letting the automatic doors open for him.

He tried not to draw attention as he wandered through the aisles, blindly picking items up and setting them back down.  There were a few other shoppers in the store, spread around.  A few old women looking at lipstick and magazines and toilet paper, a dad with a baby strapped to his chest scratching his head in front of the diapers, a handful of soccer moms pushing carts quickly with manicured hands.

Ernst prayed he wouldn’t see anyone he knew as he got closer and closer to the back of the store.  He was in luck, and he made it to the “Family Planning” section without any trouble.  He spent a second thinking about what a stupid name that was, when he was there to prevent that exact thing from happening.  If Wendla was planning a family after this, Ernst certainly hadn’t done his job right.

When he finally looked at the boxes on the shelf, he realized Wendla’s question about what type to get was actually incredibly important, and he had no idea.  There were at least twenty different boxes, each of them shouting something different out at him in bold text.

He dashed up to the front of the store to grab a basket and then returned, facing the condoms again.  The first ones he chose said “Her Pleasure” in big pink letters.  After all, Wendla was his best friend, and Melchior was just some guy.  Ernst wanted her to be happy.  He then grabbed a berry flavored box, and one that claimed to have extra lube, and a few different sizes of regular ones.  By the time he was satisfied, he had six boxes of condoms in his basket.  Maybe the abundance would make it look like a silly dare and the cashier wouldn’t even think about it.

Too unsure to put any back, Ernst got in line to check out with all six boxes.  He stared at the gum and candy on the counter while he waited, too mortified to look at anybody.  The line was moving painfully slow, like it was taking every customer an hour to make their purchases.  At one point Wendla texted him to say “ **I love you!** ” again, and he just sent back a devil emoji.  There was only one cash register open, and there were still four people in line ahead of him.

Three people.

Two.

One.

“Find everything okay?” the cashier asked in a monotone voice.

“Yeah, thanks,” Ernst squeaked, fumbling with his wallet in his sweaty hands, refusing to look up.

“Ernst?” He looked up.  “Hey, I thought that was you.”  Ernst just stared at him.  “It’s Hanschen, we’re in English together, third period.”

Ernst knew exactly who Hanschen was.  They were also in the same math class, and they had the same study hall.  He knew this because he’d been crushing on Hanschen since freshman year, and he spent a significant amount of time staring at the boy’s golden hair and perfectly structured face.

“Yeah, um, hi.  I didn’t know you worked here.”  Ernst was kind of hoping the ground would open up and swallow him whole.  Hell, let the whole store get swallowed, he didn’t want anyone alive to remember this moment.

Hanschen still hadn’t looked in the basket, he was too busy watching Ernst sweat.  “Yeah, my dad thought it would build character.”  He paused.  “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I just, um, I…”

Hanschen looked into the basket.  “Well,” he said when he’d processed its contents.  “Aren’t you confident?”  He pulled out the first box, Her Pleasure, and raised an eyebrow at Ernst, who had been out since middle school, before scanning it.

“No, I… they’re not…” Ernst couldn’t think of anything to say that would make it less weird.  Hanschen and Melchior were friends, they hung out whenever Melchior wasn’t with Wendla.  He couldn’t risk bringing Wendla’s wrath upon himself by revealing the plan.  Hanschen scanned each box, his shoulders shaking harder with more laughter after each one.

“I’m sorry to laugh at you,” he managed, sticking the boxes in a bag and accepting Ernst’s outstretched cash.  “Whoever gets to, um, use these with you is very lucky.”

“They’re not actually for me,” Ernst admitted, face red.  “I’m doing a friend a favor.”  Hanschen’s hand brushed against his when he accepted his change, and it made him shudder a little.

“Well,” Hanschen purred, “you must be a very good friend.”

“I am.”

“Do you think your friend really needs all six boxes though?”

Ernst could feel himself blushing harder, something he wouldn’t have assumed was possible.  “Well, I…”

“I just mean, maybe it wouldn’t be the worst thing if you did keep some for yourself. Probably not these though.”  He dug into the bag and held up the Her Pleasures before dropping them back in and laughing.

Ernst wasn’t sure how to take that.  Was Hanschen flirting with him?  If so, he was incredibly forward.  Or maybe he was just encouraging the pathetic geek to get a sex life?  That sounded like a more plausible option based on their past interactions, which summed to basically zero.

“Actually, it might be a really good idea,” Hanschen added, scribbling something on Ernst’s receipt, “and that way we’ll be prepared for when you call me.”  He handed Ernst the slip of paper with his phone number scrawled across the top.

Before Ernst could say anything, Hanschen was turning away from him and calling out to the woman behind him.  “I can help whoever’s next!”

Ernst gripped the bag in one hand and the receipt in the other, head reeling from the conversation with his crush.  He had the courage to glance back quickly before he left, just long enough to see Hanschen wink at him.  He almost dropped the bag.

When he was safely in his car, Ernst checked his phone to find a text from Wendla. " **This means the world to me, ya know!"**

**"No problem."** He texted back,  **"Safety first, right?"**

**"What's gotten into you?"**

 “ **That might have actually ended up being really good.  But you still owe me.** ”

When she texted him back a bunch of question marks, he was too busy grinning and adding Hanschen into his contacts to respond.


End file.
